In celebration of the new mass market release of Another One Bites the Dust, due to come out August 1, I’ve brought you another installment story.  This one, as promised, features Granny May (before she ever dreamed of grandkids, or even motherhood) and the demon G’onasc.  Hope you enjoy it!

[Here's a reminder of what happened the last time we visited May & Joe]

Part One

May should’ve known she wasn’t going to be happy with being dumped when Joe assured her for the third time that, “They’ll never look for you here.”  But a girl who has just been nearly murdered in her sleep by two demons, hand-picked for the job by the Great Taker himself, can’t be a picky Vickie.  At least that’s what she told herself when Joe deposited her in front of a three-story red brick building whose first-floor windowglass advertised the Twinkle Toes Dance Studio…Where We Turn Your Two Left Feet Into Tapping Fools!

May looked up into Joe’s burnished silver eyes, trying hard to make her lips stop quivering as she said, “You’re deserting me?  Here?  In the middle of the morning?”

“We’ve been leaving false trails for hours.  We’re tired.  You’re probably hungry.  It’s time to regroup.  But I can’t take you home.”  He waved his hand at her baby doll pajamas.  “And you can’t run around the city anymore looking like that.  My hand’s getting sore from punching out the mashers.  So I’m just going to go across the street and get you some clothes.  See?”  He pointed a blunt finger nearly as big as her wrist at a garment shop called Claire’s Boutique whose window-display mannequin wore a trendy blue V-neck blouse with a poodle skirt whose waist and pockets were trimmed with small blue pom-poms.  “What size are you anyway?” he asked.

She glared at him, suddenly angry that a creature with skin the color of strawberries and hair as fine and pail as milkweed should suddenly have so much control over her life.  She stamped her foot.  And then nearly cried because she’d forgotten she wasn’t wearing any shoes. “That’s so rude!” she told him.  “Why can’t I just try on my own clothes!”

He adjusted the pork pie hat he’d stolen from a sleeping bum, making sure it still covered his horns.  “Because I don’t want you out on the street now that we’re going to ground.”  He looked her up and down.  “I’m going to guess about a thirty-four, twenty-six, thirty-seven.  You’re lucky you have brown hair.  According to my old boy–according to Nethery I can’t go wrong no matter what color I get for you.”

She shook her finger under his long, rather bulbous nose.  “Don’t you dare guess my size!  Especially . . . you know where!  Just get that outfit that’s on the mannequin and I’ll be fine.  As for my hair, it’s honey-colored you clod!  And my eyes are like forget-me-nots!”

“How do you know?”

“Lew Marshal told me!  And he–”

“Isn’t that the boy whose heart you broke?”

May suddenly felt like a bike tire that’s picked up a nail.  “I didn’t mean to.”

“Sure you did.  Why else would you end the relationship?”

“It’s none of your business!  Now do you want me off the street or not?”

“Yep.”

“Then I’m going!”

“Good!”

May threw open the door and slammed it dramatically behind her.  Which, maybe, wasn’t such a terrific idea.  Because she’d interrupted the class currently practicing in  front of a bank of  long mirrors that had been set, side by side, all the way down a narrow, wood-floored room.  The women, a group of five with a single instructor standing in front of them, turned to look at her.  And frankly, she just stared back.  Because they were wearing big, wavy skirts in shiny silks.  And shirts that were little more than brassieres covered their chests.  She loved their jewelry, which shone like Spanish treasure in the fluorescent light.  But the best part had happened just before the door slam, when she’d spied them making the most fascinating gyrations with their mid-sections.  Suddenly she hoped Joe would decide the mannequin’s clothes couldn’t fit her.  Because May realized she’d just crashed a belly dancing class.  And she couldn’t wait to see what the teacher demonstrated next.

Tune in Monday for Part Two of The Daemon Wars: May’s Training Day

Join me when you can, my friends.  I’m predicting major fun and, of course, your chance to win way-cool prizes!

http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=9093

The Paranormal Fiction Book Review Site With Bite!

Hope you can all join me for Wednesday’s online event at Bitten by Books (which will go into Thursday to accommodate those of you who live outside the States).

Here is the link to RSVP Bitten by Books that you will be attending the online event.  When you do this, you’ll receive 50 entries into the contest for one of six SWEET prizes that I’m giving away, which include five autographed copies of the mass market release of Once Bitten, Twice Shy as well as a $50 Gift Card from Barnes and Noble.

Hope to see you there!

I just don’t get it.  Why is my hubby capable of carrying everything he needs in two pockets while I feel I have to lug a large bag around which may, at any one time, contain items ranging from measuring tapes to breath mints?  What’s the deal, ladies?  Is there some sort of preset imperative in our DNA that requires us to be prepared to dole out Advil and wet wipes?  I will say my purse is about half the size it once was.  But I still look at guys with a sense of awe.  Really?  Keys in the front pocket, money in the back?  And you’re set?  How do you survive?

That’s right, my friends, I’m appearing over at Bitten by Books all day on July 15 to celebrate the mass market release of Once Bitten, Twice Shy! Look for a massive interview, lotsa give and take with yours truly, and some YEAH-BABY prizes!  We’re stretching it into Thursday to accommodate those of you who live overseas, so I hope to see every one of you there!

By a margin of about two to one, you’ve decided that Blog Monster must appear in Granny May’s next adventure.  Of course, he’ll have a new name and maybe a slightly different look, and you all seem to understand that.  May will be far from grannyhood at this point in her story as well.  Remember, it’s only 1950 when her adventures begin, and this next installment will probably take place shortly after the last one ended (although I’ll let you know for sure about the timeline when I know for sure!).  Here’s the link to her last adventure if you’d like to refresh your memory before I post the new one, I hope a week from today.

In the meantime, I have to say I have monsters on the brain, probably because I’m also in the middle of writing my speech for the big Illinois Library conference at which I’m speaking in October.  The title is Monster Cuddling 101, so yeah, kinda funny I hope.  But also much about the big baddies that have freaked us out pretty much since we figured out scary things could well be lurking in dark shadows.

So, assuming you could put up a fight that might save your life if you were faced with something as scary as, say, a vampire.  Or werewolf.  Or even (shudder) a Blog Monster . . . what would be your weapon of choice?

Holy cow, I think we’ve definitely created a monster!  Here’s what we’ve come up with:

Our Blog Monster is short, gay, and wears ties with his polo shirts and platform shoes.  When he shifts into monster form he has evil eyes that cut right through you,  mustard yellow and puce matted fur covered with inkblots that turn him into whatever his enemies desire, and a tail that seems to function with a mind of its own.  Probably because parasites are continuously moving underneath its skin.  This look allows him to blend in with his surroundings like a chameleon.  He wears makeup and enjoys clubbing, where he’ll pick up, well, anything.  In addition he’s obsessed with Gordon Ramsey, ballet, and opera, and cannot resist the lure of a showtune.  In fact, his secret wish is to star in the revival of Beauty and the Beast.  He has retractable claws that he’s covered with pink polish.  Spiny quills on his back compliment the claws, but are just as sharp and twice as likely to slice through his enemies.  When he’s nervous or preparing for battle, he tends to crack his knuckles.  He’s way hip to the music of his time, has a particular favorite band whose songs make him launch into dance no matter where he is, and he tends to sing right before his massacres.

As for powers, our monster can shoot laser beams from his nipples, which are powered by the energy he harnesses from any light source. He can also control his victim’s minds, but he must be touching them in order to do it.  And once he’s been inside a person’s mind (which he can only do when they’re asleep) he can track them anywhere in the world.  He also has the ability to enhance his aura when angry, so that it instills people with such a feeling of fear that they run when he comes close to them.  He has the ability to breathe a noxious gas that knocks out his enemies, and he can cause their wounds to rot instantly, at which point maggots will infest their bodies.  When threatened, Blog Monster does have the ability to teleport.  He can also cause earthly events like mudslides and avalanches.

His achilles heel is that when an enemy says “popcorn” he turns into a foul-mouthed, angry yellow butterfly for the next hour.

What a cool character!  But now you have to decide.  Do you want to see Blog Monster prancing around in the next Granny May adventure?  Or would you rather meet something entirely new and different?  I’ll count the votes through midnight Wednesday, so let me know how you feel!

As you know (probably because I just won’t stop talking about it!) I’m nearly done with the rough draft of Bitten in Two, the seventh book in the Jaz Parks series, which will be coming to your favorite bookstore next spring.  I always try to create at least one fun new creature for your reading pleasure in my stories, and Bitten in Two is no exception.  This time I’ve done a new take on an old tradition which I hope you’ll find enchanting in a holy-crap-shoot-it-now! sort of way.

But I was sitting here thinking I shouldn’t be the one to have all the fun.  So what do you say we all pool our imaginations and come up with something freakariffic?  I’m thinking each of us can contribute one trait in the creation of our way-cool monster.  It can be a power.  A physical characteristic.  Even a lifestyle preference.  Whatever you want to add to the mix is fine with me.  And then, on Monday, you can vote on whether or not you want to see the Blog Monster in Granny May’s next adventure, or something totally new and mysterious.

So here’s my contribution: The Blog Monster insists on wearing ties.  Very tasteful ones.  Unfortunately they don’t really work with the polo shirts.  But he’s a monster so, you know, nobody’s really had the guts to correct him up to this point.

Now you!

Hey, there!  Check out my giveaway, going on today through Friday in celebration of the mass market release of Once Bitten, Twice Shy, at the League of Reluctant Adults!

By now you guys oughtta know how much I enjoy hearing what you’re about.  Today I thought we could do another round of what I used to look forward to most in the first grade.  Maybe you’re feeling a little shy, so I’ll start.  (Okay, I admit I used to make up about half of what I told the class for Show and Tell.  But this time, I promise I’ll be honest.)  Here’s what I’ve been up to this past week.

• Writing like mad because I believe I’ll be able to finish the first draft of Bitten in Two within the next couple of weeks.

• Thursday, hubby and I dropped in on our daughter and her fiance.  Went to a luscious restaurant on The Hill in St. Louis called Favazzas where we had the best lasagna on earth (besides mine, which I only make once a year, so you know, it was a major treat).  Then we took a tour of the Anheuser-Busch Brewery. Pretty dern cool, although I still maintain that all beer tastes like Kool-Aid that someone has forgotten to add the sugar to.  Blech.

• Saturday was a family gig.  Got too hot.  Got sick.  Went home.  Cooled off.  Felt like a total wuss, because if I’d been 20 years younger it wouldn’t have bothered me at all.  Apparently I have to keep reminding myself I’m not nearly as tough as I’d like to be!

• Sunday hubby and I went hiking.  Here are a couple of pics:

Two-Story Outhouse

We discovered the above two-story outhouse on the way to our ultimate destination today.  Um–hilarious!

The trail we followed for this picture was a look-down-so-you-don’t-end-up-in-the-drink path.  Nice ‘n windy!

This is our new mascot, whose name I cannot repeat here, sunning himself while we take a water break.  He’s a happy little dork, isn’t he?

So, I’m all ears now . . . what’ve you guys been up to?